If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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