Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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