If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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