Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
