Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
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And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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