I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
