I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
