i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize