its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
