Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.