I just cut my nipple shaving
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
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I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
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My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.