hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.