she woke up with a sticky ear
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?