woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.