Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
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Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
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Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels