just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
