Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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