I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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