So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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