Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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