"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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