Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
