Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
