why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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