What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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