im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
