You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize