Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
