no, he came in my armpit
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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