So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
