Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
