I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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