Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
