Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
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At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
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My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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