I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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