You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize