No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
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I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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