He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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