margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
farters have to be the big spoon...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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