i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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