Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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