you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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