Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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