She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
