Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
