By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
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I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
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So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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