My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
