Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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