Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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