also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize