She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
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I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
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Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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