well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
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She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
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Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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