last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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