Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I am mentally ready for anal.