I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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