I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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